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Archive for February, 2009

Nina Simone rocks it live

I’ve been hesitating to post this song, because I’ve sent it to almost everyone that I converse with over the internet. It really is a classic, however, and the song should never wallow in obscurity. She rocks it. And she has boobies!

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Peter Fox, the lead singer of the German Reggae group Seeed, went solo recently.  Yes, I am aware that German Reggae seems like it should be an oxymoron, similar to German Humor.  But it exists, for better or for worse.  I was never a big fan of Seeed, but Peter Fox’s latest album has some seriously good songs on it.  It’s heavy on the drums.  The album is called Stadtaffe, which means Citymonkey.  The use of monkey imagery is prevalent in Fox’s videos, presumably because he looks like one.

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Fire alarms went off in my building last night circa 2:10am. Story is that some drunk neighbor decided to make munchies – but fell asleep in process. Food got burnt, filled the building with smoke, fire alarms went off, firefighters came, firefighters left, fire alarms stayed on awhile longer for good measure. But in the midst of this excitement, I did discover some amusing sleep-me factoids.

  1. Upon hearing the fire alarm and smelling smoke  — my first action is to go to the bathroom.
  2. After doing porcelain-related-business,  I decide to change into jeans and a sweatshirt.
  3. I absentmindedly stare at the back-wall of my closet pondering why exactly I’m standing in my closet.
  4. Sometime while dressing I realize that I should probably hurry up.
  5. I put on a jacket, grab  keys, phone, and (inexplicably) my metro card. Inexplicably seeing as the metro is CLOSED. Even if it were open, what was I going to do — take metro rides all night?
  6. I have the hardest time locking my door. Probably the noticeable presence of smoke in the hallway doesn’t help.
  7. (Now outside) Watching firefighters go into my building  I realize that taking my glasses and wallet might have been a solid idea. Certainly better than, say, the metro card.

The End (of Part I)

speaking of stupid -- look at the sign!

Conclusionary insights:

Burnt food has this way of filling an entire apartment building with smoke. And because lots of smoke has a way of tripping fire alarms, the fire department might show up and put one of their nifty ladders on the roof right-next-to/ on-top-of my apartment.

Therefore, considering the proximity of the ladder — should there ever be a Part II, I’m just going to go the bathroom, put my glasses on, and get back in bed.

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Frontal nudity.  Fountains of blood.  Brain-scraping-bad dialogue.  Few things make me feel as American as a 3-D Horror movie such as My Bloody Valentine, 3-D!  It’s like Snakes on a mothafuckin’ Plane meets The Evil Dead.  This is not a recommendation, it is simply an observation:  this flick is more American than George W. piloting a harrier jet and landing it on the very last terrorist standing between us and global capitalist freedom.

What spells “free speech” more than a movie that makes you sit still, poke fun, and ask NO questions.  NO plot!  NO subtlety!  Tits, ass, and midgets!  I haven’t felt this alive since I discovered Porn of the Dead.

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pornofthedead

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A recent Wikinews article titled “Swiss canton of Appenzell Innerhoden fights back after invasion of German naked hikers,” broaches one of the most troubling phenomenon of post-war German culture: the FKK nudists. Those who have been to Germany have likely been fortunate enough to avoid any run-ins with German nudist extremists and for the most part the German government does a good job at keeping things “under wraps” (ha ha, snort). However, citizens of this unassuming Swiss canton woke up to find German schlongs and “muschis” marching past their front doors as if the Anschluss had belatedly come to Switzerland. Understandably, the Swiss are fighting back.

A local Swiss government has shown some bare cheek and has taken action, after hordes of German naked hikers rambling across the Swiss alps au naturel, caused indignation amongst locals.

Authorities in Swiss canton of Appenzell Innerrhoden have warned that starting from February 9, the government will impose hefty fines of 200 Swiss Francs (£122, €135) on naturists found walking or hiking in the nude without clothes in the picturesque mountains because of a recent influx of visiting German nudists.

The new ordinance is expected to be passed this spring. If it is approved by the local parliament on February 9 it should be effective on April 26. The Swiss canton aims to stop spread of ‘indecent practice’ by minimally-clad German climbers.

It’s one of Germany’s deepest held secrets, but scientific studies have shown that Germans are genetically inclined to prostrate themselves in the nude. Much sociological research has been conducted to discover the origins of this rare cultural practice, but with little results. Nonetheless, it seems that the German and Swiss governments should convene a round of diplomatic negotiations before tensions escalate. As the article states:

German tabloid Bild Zeitung has editorially attacked Swiss intolerance and even suggested nudist alternatives worldwide, after hinting a Swiss tourism boycott. Local authorities of Harz mountain range in central Germany have also announced the openness to any visitor of an “official naked walking route” in nature’s outdoors.

If you are unfamiliar with the Bild Zeitung, it has long been the country’s best-selling paper, having perfectly wedded an unbeatable combination of conservative political view points, sensationalism, and front-page pornographic pictures. It is safe to say that Germany has never been lacking in nudity.

One of the strangest things about the incident is that it took place in a canton that is predominantly of German national origin, allowing German stereotypes to play out against each other. According to the German website nacktwandern.de the benefits of nude hiking are described as follows: “Abandoning unpractical clothes enables a direct contact with the wind, sun and temperature.” Therefore, the fundamental objective of these hikers is practicality. How much more German can you get? Besides, why should you sacrifice achieving the perfect tan just because you chose a mountain vacation instead of a week relaxing on the beach. All I need to do is lace up my hiking boots and take off. The only unfortunate part is that you get backpack tanning lines.

Some Swiss disagreed:

But Markus Dörig, a spokesman for Appenzell Innerrhoden canton has defended the law, explaining that the “public nuisance” was a foreign import. “We have been receiving many complaints. The local people are upset and we in the government share their concern. How would one feel if one was to go walking in nature and suddenly came across a group of naked people? They are definitely not people from the area, and I think many of them come from Germany,” he noted.

“We are a small and orderly community and such things are simply out of place here. Perhaps in vast mountain areas naked people would not be much of a problem but here they simply stick out,” Dörig added.

Therefore, the Swiss combined a love for orderliness and xenophobia.I just can’t understand how one could be so intolerant of nudists. What have they ever done to hurt anyone? I believe justice will prevail in this case and choose the advocates of practicality over intolerance. The indecent over the prude. The alternative would be FKKed up.

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Star Wars Trumpet Never Dies

The Star Wars Trumpet has clearly been beaten to death, since it made the rounds on the net about a year ago.  But a friend of mine showed it to me again yesterday and I found it just as amusing as before.  In case you haven’t seen this, prepare to be dazzled.  The awful performance is highlighted by the extreme enthusiasm of Staci Hedger, who either has no idea how untalented she is, or manically powers through in order to save face.  Either way, it’s great.

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The End of Whiteness

Fresh from the Atlantic is an article about the end of whiteness in America, and ultimately the world.  It’s a good read and a nice summary of the cultural implications of increased multiculturalism in this country.  In the meantime, 2043 cannot come soon enough.  No one is going to mourn the end of de facto white supremacy.

Article here.

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